Out of town

Please accept my apologies for not blogging. I am currently out of the country. Be home soon..

It is raining and cool and a sudden chill runs over my body. Why can't I shake this ill feeling I have? Something just didn't feel right tonight. Things seems to be going well, so why am I feeling so pessimistic? Why can't just once in my life can I be happy and have things feel good? Okay inner feeling I will exam things further tomorrow. Right now I want to enjoy my wine and a warm bath. Oops I almost forgot to light the candles. I have the strangest dream last night, what could it mean ..

Ripples

When did things change and feelings become uneasy? How does life become so idyllic and move to possible deception so quickly. We met in an usual manner, this I know, however it all seemed so meshed in our thoughts and mannerisms. We became so close and trusting over time. I was so careful for I had been warned so much about Internet dating. Yes I said, "Internet Dating" .. the world of lies, scams, spyware and malaware. Gotta love it right, well I do understand all your worries, but I am good at being careful and choosing carefully. I will never let anything stupid like that happen to me, no matter what all say. I am smart and careful at all times. Eric is good and honest man and we have been talking for over one year, writing, emailing, sending packages and phone calls. He is a good Christian man with children. Hard working and supporting his family as well as his Mom. I am fine ...

These moments

How could I allow my past experiences to cripple this love from this terribly wonderful handsome man, I have been given such a gracious chance to meet? I am at this moment drinking wine (my fav) and listening to Andrea Bocelli from this absolutely amazing tenor,I hope you are willing to open up your mind along with your heart and broaden the chance to learn to enjoy new things that I love so much in this world God has blessed us with, at this moment I feel as a little girl riding the carousel of life and as I pass I see you standing near by with your hand out as I move by on the Merry-Go-Round I look back at you, you are smiling this wonderful handsome strong smile,as if to say to me, "Solaire grab my hand, grab my hand!" as the carousel goes around. I lean over as I approach you, and you grab my hand and jump aboard and hold me. At that very moment my life was sealed, sealed with you my love, my lover, my friend and well only you know the rest?

The Letter

In the presence of beautiful moving music in my (our) bedroom I have reread your truly wonderful heart felt magnificent love letter to me, written in the quiet of the wee hours of the morning on the borrowed laptop your friend brought to you to use to write to me. How wonderfully beautiful it was as I read it once again without questionable or confused feelings of distrust. Actually, I reread "our" whole conversation on Yahoo and I was able to see and feel as we, as a couple stumbled through all the bad feelings and what brought us through it all, of course "our" love for one another. For the first time Eric my Prince I feel so much love and peace when I think of you and my heart is also thinking of your children and wanting so desperately to earn their trust and love as only a "step-in" not a replacement for their beloved Mother, although my heart will always be open for such acceptance if they ever wish it so.

HOW DO I DEFINE LOVE?

I was recently asked by a friend of mine, "How do you define love?" Well, having just recently lost someone who was extrememly important in my life, that is a hard question to answer in an exact form ... For me love is defined in many different ways, for there are all kinds of love ... I feel it is an emotion that changes with each person we meet ... The depths and circumstances of each meeting is never the same ... The heart experiences a variety of emotions created by each unique individual that comes into our lives ... However, true chemistry love is fleeting and we only have it rarely in our lives ... So, if you ever experience it; do not lose it!! And if you have been lucky enough to find it twice, well it is a "gift" and be smart enough to see this fact ... Grab onto it as if it is the "Brass Ring" in life ... We can each just be so lucky, then we will recieve mediocre love ... out of life!! The heart and soul of each of us are very emotional, yet intellectual components, and once we learn to read our feelings more precisely our lives will be more enhanced ... Throw away the box that life and society put us in; and follow your instincts ... listen to your heart and soul and not the voices of others in life ... dance to your own tune (song), live your predestined life and experience the gifts from the universe and God ... You see I feel that when we meet another and we experience that amazing "connection" together, it is like an "addiction" something worth fighting for ... I also believe that life and God only give us so many chances to get it right ... As for me I do not want to wake up one morning and remember all the things I could of had or enjoyed and remember the feelings and life I could of lived, if I had not listened to the wrong messages from life or others I trusted to share with ... We all have a tendency to try to make everything clear and acceptable, but in reality all we are doing is trying to make it fit in the box that others will find acceptable ... For me life has to have passion, and a special chemistry and the other person is able to make me feel that passion, that "addiction" to one another always from anywhere, such as; a phone call, a text, a letter, a song, words said to me, in a voice .... You see it is an "undefined" emotion inside of me, that only that perfect connection can create in my heart and soul ... I will never surrender to less for me ... I am an individual with special needs created for my own being ... So my response to my friend is, "Love for me is undefined, it has many definitions" but the most unique for me is the "connection" that was God's gift to me; and whomever shares it with me as well ...

And so it begins ...

I want to thank all of you for your patience during the growth and development of this Blog. It has been a continuing process in design, preparation and a coupling in research. We live in a world of constant amazement to me; and yet it is full of cruelty matched by desires. Please if you like reading my blog add yourselves to my "followers" list and feel free to write me of your comments. See you soon ..