Bonjour my loves, I was going to write something on the book, however this has been a horrendous week for the world .. So I will just say do not lose hope and keep the faith.

Bonsoir my lovelies, have you ever wondered how someone can tell you they love you and then nothing more I mean no phones calls or mails but you are suppose to know they love you. I believe the eye sees love before the heart feels it; then your mind accepts it. I do believe actions speaks louder than words but all the while your mind is trying to get you to accept only what you hear as truth. Then you get that little sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you, you are wrong. But you so want to believe what your heart feels even though it is lying to you, because you are unwilling to accept the reality of it all. Closing your eyes to reality is much more pleasant then possibly accepting the person who says they love you has put contentions on that love. Unknown to you, for your heart is so full of love that it is not feeling the truth of this love ..

Bonsoir everyone. Coming back soon, family emergency keeping my time. All will soon calm down and I will return to my Blog. Thank you for waiting. See you in the near future. Alexi

I am sorry everyone life has been hectic yet full for me. I have been spending much time writing and on my Twitter. I will resume my Blog very soon, how do people write a book, do their Blogs and keep up with Twitter and then there is "real" life as we know it. Sweet dreams see you soon ..

Trying to get published is a lot of work. That is how I met Eric doing my research. I was stand offish and all business while he was trying to break the ice. There was a good reason for my behavior afterall it was the internet. You see I had to do a lot of research for my book which involved "pretending" to be a broken hearted woman. It was like

I apologize once again. Life has been very hectic for me with daily life and professional life. I will continue my Blog tomorrow. All my notes to the book were temporarly at a stand still. Everything is back online now. Please read my tweets at Twitter as well. It is posted on my blog but if you have not

Today has not been a good day. How can people be so good at pretending to be honest and loving? Then turn right around and be callus and cold ... How can people be born without reasoning of what they do. The choices they make without even caring of the repercussions to someone else. What really scares is me is they do it so naturally ... We love, we believe, we trust and our reward is pain and disillusionment and the spoiler of souls. Today has not been a good day for my heart or my soul ... What is there for the heart; that quickly allows us to forget all the wrongs done to us the moment someone says something kind to us? I am not sure if I am stupid or they are smart ... Today has been a heartbreaking day and one of spiritual disappointment.

Well I practiced patience today, no word from my ex on our possible recommitment conversation. And I have remained distant and quiet, which is an unusual state for me in a crisis of sorts. I am a quick repair artist in heartache, you know the type oh baby wait we can fix this in a second or baby it is not you it is just life and all the pressures .. etc. All denial tactics maybe? So now I will practice what I have learned over the years but never used. See if just using a peaceful mind and a heart full of love will help me come to some understanding for once, instead of going off like a woman with buckshot in her booty! Life is complex, but you know love is even more so ...

While on a trip for the holidays my ex text ed and emailed me. It was for New Years and I thought it was a very nice thing to do. We had not spoken much since the breakup, however even though I felt wonderful about it, I also felt sad. Why had he waited so long to do so and why did I have to be right about his reason for leaving. He finally told me why; and it had been what I had known all along. Now we talked of all we had missed and never stopped loving and of course all our dreams and plans we had made for the future. Why when people have an amazing thing together so why do some still look as if the grass is really greener on the other side. The really sad truth is, it never is .. We discussed reconciliation and our future as before. I ran into nothing for this was all just speaking of and going over all we had not spoken of yet since the breakup nine months ago. But it was as if we had never left and he was the one to make that comment but I had to agree, it was as if yesterday. We have or had one of those relationships like we are almost clones, but enough diversity between us to make it interesting, yet easy. We would finish each others sentences and laugh, we could order a meal or drinks with no worry one would not like or enjoy. We were like a warm smooth Brandy on any night of the week. He said he never stopped loving me and always remembered us from time to time, as I did as well. So if our souls and minds as well as our hearts were still in such sync why did he leave at all? I realize my career had taken it's toll on our relationship, but why leave without letting me know of his feelings? Was I or we not worth fighting for? I mean if you leave someone or something and can not forget or move past it all, why move on? Of course there is more to what I learned but for now I will try to get some rest. It has been an exuberant holiday season yet an emotional roller coaster! Time for a nice glass of Bordeaux ...