Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I apologize once again. Life has been very hectic for me with daily life and professional life. I will continue my Blog tomorrow. All my notes to the book were temporarly at a stand still. Everything is back online now. Please read my tweets at Twitter as well. It is posted on my blog but if you have not

Friday, January 7, 2011

Today has not been a good day. How can people be so good at pretending to be honest and loving? Then turn right around and be callus and cold ... How can people be born without reasoning of what they do. The choices they make without even caring of the repercussions to someone else. What really scares is me is they do it so naturally ... We love, we believe, we trust and our reward is pain and disillusionment and the spoiler of souls. Today has not been a good day for my heart or my soul ... What is there for the heart; that quickly allows us to forget all the wrongs done to us the moment someone says something kind to us? I am not sure if I am stupid or they are smart ... Today has been a heartbreaking day and one of spiritual disappointment.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Well I practiced patience today, no word from my ex on our possible recommitment conversation. And I have remained distant and quiet, which is an unusual state for me in a crisis of sorts. I am a quick repair artist in heartache, you know the type oh baby wait we can fix this in a second or baby it is not you it is just life and all the pressures .. etc. All denial tactics maybe? So now I will practice what I have learned over the years but never used. See if just using a peaceful mind and a heart full of love will help me come to some understanding for once, instead of going off like a woman with buckshot in her booty! Life is complex, but you know love is even more so ...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

While on a trip for the holidays my ex text ed and emailed me. It was for New Years and I thought it was a very nice thing to do. We had not spoken much since the breakup, however even though I felt wonderful about it, I also felt sad. Why had he waited so long to do so and why did I have to be right about his reason for leaving. He finally told me why; and it had been what I had known all along. Now we talked of all we had missed and never stopped loving and of course all our dreams and plans we had made for the future. Why when people have an amazing thing together so why do some still look as if the grass is really greener on the other side. The really sad truth is, it never is .. We discussed reconciliation and our future as before. I ran into nothing for this was all just speaking of and going over all we had not spoken of yet since the breakup nine months ago. But it was as if we had never left and he was the one to make that comment but I had to agree, it was as if yesterday. We have or had one of those relationships like we are almost clones, but enough diversity between us to make it interesting, yet easy. We would finish each others sentences and laugh, we could order a meal or drinks with no worry one would not like or enjoy. We were like a warm smooth Brandy on any night of the week. He said he never stopped loving me and always remembered us from time to time, as I did as well. So if our souls and minds as well as our hearts were still in such sync why did he leave at all? I realize my career had taken it's toll on our relationship, but why leave without letting me know of his feelings? Was I or we not worth fighting for? I mean if you leave someone or something and can not forget or move past it all, why move on? Of course there is more to what I learned but for now I will try to get some rest. It has been an exuberant holiday season yet an emotional roller coaster! Time for a nice glass of Bordeaux ...