Subliminal thoughts ...

Why am I thinking of ways to pass my time as my son struggles to live..Does that make me a bad Mom? I have forgotten what it's like to make my hair appointment, get my nails done or a massage ... All of the sudden those impending needs are no longer important. My head hurts from not enough sleep or not being able to completely let go and have a restful night. The sounds of all the machines and my sons breathing take the place of a melodic tune in the background of my mind. The rain streams against the window being pushed by the wind. I am feeling calm as I begin to drift into a heavy, but sudden sleep...Boom! My heart skips a beat as branches from the trees outside his window are blown against the glass.. leaving a creepy eerie feeling ... Has the Angel of Death arrived, oh Lord please no ...I raise my head and look at my son; I am reminded he is a young man and not the beautiful baby of my womb. But it is his time to live and not suffer. Silent killers arrive and strike like a knife ... No warning and no promise of departure ... I am so tired and my mind begins to shut down .. I want to stay awake as my body becomes lax and slips into the night ...