Wake Up .. Beeping ..

Oh my gosh what is happening? I was sleeping so soundly and my son was so quiet. I bolt up in bed to the sound of voices and the pushing and rushing of machinery on wheels and carts. I am gently yet forcefully pushed aside. They surround my son's bed, I can't see anything. I am becoming agitated as I as what is going on. All they say is please step out of the room. Excuse meeee!!! I am the only person in my sons life who has remained loyal and supportive as he fights for his life. I cling onto my fatigue and anger and the why him to survive and be here for my son. How dare you say to me to step out of the room. I tell you if you want me out you will have to carry me. They are busy and let me be. His bed is put down and doctors n nurses surround him. They are scurrying for plasma red and white cells. The paddles come out and they begin to shock his heart. Oh God please not now after he has fought so hard. This disease has attacked every organ in his body. He is anemic and his auto immune system is shutting down. Oh God what did I do and who did I hurt for my son to suffer so. What can I do to gain your favor. So many thoughts, ideas, prayers raced through my mind. All the clanging of the machines and all the orders being shouted. I am here right behind you as they fight for my sons life. I am trying to be strong but inside I am screaming, promising and begging God to save him. I made more promises then I can even remember yet keep. But I was sincere of heart and I spoke them. He has lost 60 pounds, cried in pain and been so weak he could not even tell us his pain. It felt like hours as they worked but it was not I later learned it was less then thirty (30) minutes .. A doctor steps back and I could see on his face there would be no chances to apologize for past mistakes or once again speak of the many trials he had beat. He grabbed my hand and as he pulled me closer to my sons bed, he has a tube in his mouth, needles in his arms and and his skin was as pale as alabaster. Nooooo he is not gone I tell you God would not do this to him. He has been a fighter I must of sounded like a crazy lady begging for forgiveness. They all were quiet and just looked at me with the sadness of defeat. I screamed his name and leaned over his body and screamed, "Son don't leave me now. You have your son and family and friends. We are fighters ... At that moment I said, "God I have been the best Mother I knew to be. I was a good daughter and sister and even niece.. Please do not take him from us he has his whole life to see. I looked at my son and begged him to stay. We loved and needed him. As I bent over to put my heard on his chest, he took a deep breath and I was once again was pushed aside and all efforts began again. I did not mind being in the back of all the actions for he was alive. At that moment I realized God had blessed him and even me. For we were given more time to get things right. I knew from that moment no matter how hard or long the struggle I would not give up. He was stabilized and sent to ICCU ... for ten (10) days. But for now God has given us a reprieve and I was grateful for that. It now has become the moments, not minutes or seconds, just moments .. And we were going to savor them all ..