Casualties of Disease ..

As I sit here looking at my son sleeping as he struggles for every breathe. My mind goes to the rest of us. Me as a parent, my ex-daughter-in-law and of course my grandson. Not to mention all other relatives and friends. The illness begins as a shock for it is so "rare" in its intensity. As I mentioned he was the 11th ever to be acknowledged in the world of Medicine here in the states. It begins as any family support for the ill one, but as time goes by from days to months and for us years. I found myself talking to anyone and everyone who could shine some light on his case. My days were long and soon I squeezed everything normal out of my life. It was replaced with numerous phones calls to doctors, labs and different Specialists. My days ran into night .. I ran home for a shower and quick bite then back to the hospital. I learned and the different choices in vending machines and the caloric numbers on each package. I educated myself on which fast foods had the least calories and which of the wilted salads they advertise as fresh were healthiest. I grew as sick of these foods as he did the hospital foods served to him each meal. I slept in a recliner in his room and froze on the leather as the AC blew all night. It is the belief of the medicine world to keep the rooms unusually cool to avoid more bacteria growth. They are correct, however why use blankets with the density of a piece of filo dough .. I cancelled all my business and social engagements to support my son. The one day I realized months had passed. I stopped taking calls for the moments I was able to steal and go home I did not want interrupted. My door bell rang and I would remain really quiet and hide as not to be seen inside the house. I just want peace and quiet, no words, no explanations. Just "alone" time ... I slept and I read and I prayed. I felt so alone, but chose it for myself. I was tired of being the strong one, the one reassuring everyone including my struggling son all was going to be okay. Hell, I didn't know that for sure I just repeated it so many times I began to believe it as well. Then it was back to reality and the hospital... I found myself reliving those moments in time for me. So one night I realized as my son fought for his life; I too was fighting for mine ..