As I dream...

It feels so peaceful and I feel as if I am floating on air..all I feel is the cool sea breezes as it dances across my face the only sound is the tide as it comes and goes ..oh my how angelic it passes across the shore .. I had the dream of the perfect life, my perfect life .. But fate dealt me a different hand. Do you ever wonder how we are picked or chosen in life .. Who receives or earns the better lives and who receives the lives that take so much time and work. I do often; and yet I still do not know. I keep hoping (I love this word "hope") and praying that one day the answer will be revealed to me, in the meantime I will hold onto faith another favorite word for me. Faith is the meaning of things unseen, yet believed in. As women we are given our children and we immediately know they are ours forever. We do not have to keep them just for a little while or return them if they are not perfect, they are ours to keep ... So the Bible said ... There are many kinds of love in our lives, love of friends, love of parents, love of careers, love of religion, love of politics, love of friends, love of partners, love of pets, love of life, love of dreams, love of promises, love of adventure, love of beliefs, love of parents .. beliefs how do I describe that one. I was a good daughter, so I thought and I studied hard for my dreams and the life I gave myself as a young girl sitting high on the branch of a 'Salt" tree so we called them. I had my little pad and pencil and I as I followed the clouds I began to talk to God. As a child I always felt the draw to Angelic things. Some may say that is the "Catholic in her" haha .. Not really I always loved the feeling as a child I got when I talked to God. I just knew he was listening I mean he was God he would never ignore me or anyone. He had an endless resource of time and great hearing. I would close my eyes and daydream. I told him I wanted to be a writer and get married and have babies..that was all I needed for my life. Oh wait what is that sound, I feel I need to wake up but I can't it feels so marvelous here asleep and dreaming. I have no worries or heartache here. No problems to solve or fingers to bandage. How I long for just a wee finger to bandage..I now have a life to help save a big step from bandages small cuts. Now as I look at my then young son the scars from his fingers n body are in the middle of chest as if saying, " I survived this savage infection that has robbed me of my life thus far." Wait..why is this in my dream I am at the beach with the ones I love. Oh that's right he is not here, he is in a sterile environment alone with his own thoughts as I dream at the beach .. but just for a moment for I am so weary .. and frightened. I am just a woman, no special powers in life just my love and determination to do the best I can for my family and in my life. I just didn't know i would be trying to save my child from this ugly demon that has attached itself to his heart and body. Once again how was he chosen or me as his mother. I keep trying to remember my life and all I might of done wrong or disappointed others to deserve my child to suffer. But, somehow I remember nothing I did; to deal him such a blow .. a fight to live every hour of everyday. Ohhh .. what ... it's water the tide has risen and my family is giggling .. they saw the tide coming to greet me and decided it would be more fun for me to be surprised ..and surprised I was .. As I jump up wet and muddy sand in my hair I hear their laughter and for some reason it is not worth getting upset over so I laugh and dance around like someone put hot coals under my feet .. I am alive .. But my first thought is my son . so I am now back to reality ..