A Aha Moment

All of a sudden today I had a "Aha" moment. When I began this Blog my life was less stressful, however during this past one and a half years my youngest son has been fighting for his life. The most amazing thing is the doctors do not know where both infections came from? When I close my eyes the feelings just flood my body. My stomach gets Butterflies, my heart changes beats and my minds runs rampant with too many thoughts to chase.

He was diagnosed with a Staph MRSA, unknown how it entered. He fought Staph the first of the year and almost died two times. Then at discharge when I picked him up he was so weak and frail he hardly made the trip home (four hours). He was out of the hospital one day before being readmitted. Within five days of his readmission he was on deaths door. Seven days later he was getting 3 transfusion for his blood count was dangerously low. His T cell count was ten, yes I said ten! And they still had no diagnosis.

I have decided to step away from the original theme of my Blog and try to use this time to work through a life  altering time for me and the yet unknown future for my son. As a writer I see things differently at times then the normal person. I feel everything more intently and more sensitively then some. I am a spiritual being as my son was and since all of this; has returned to his own spiritual path. I feel the things I have been through and still must deal with for he is far from healthy, but he/we are determined to make the finish line.

I am brimming with emotions and not yet released stress. I have questions, curiosities and a need for explanations if not answers. The most perplexing oddity is his second diagnosed infection is in the TB  family, but not TB. It affects his immune system, his vital organs, his lungs, and his bones. Now keep in mind while struggling to survive with this added and new infection, the Staph had invaded his heart and heart valve. He was scheduled for "Open heart" surgery at 29 years of age! He has lost 30 pounds on his 5'11" frame. He has gone from a strapping well nourished handsome young man, to a thin and frail older looking young man who has lost a lot of his  beautiful black hair due to "massive"doses of at times 4-5 IV antibiotics, which also caused other issues like vital organ shutdown to discoloring his beautiful smile due to the medications.

As a divorced Mother it has been hard on me. I have always been a strong person but this task has stretched my inner strengths to endure places I never knew existed. So please allow me to share this part of my life before picking up on my blog as I had planned to pen for you. I see somehow they have began to intertwine together. So for now I will breathe and clear my mind for now. Tomorrow is another day.